I love listening to music. It calms me, soothes me, puts me in a good mood, and makes me want to dance!
Of course, as I mentioned here before, ABBA is my all time favourite band! And I have been on an ABBA kick the past few days, watching videos on YouTube. What amazes me, not just their amazing voices, but the outfits! I can’t help it – but they are really incredibly 70’s! Funky, weird, odd and yet oh so cool!
So let’s have a musical interlude now – and enjoy some ABBA music!
Late night thoughts – do you ever wake up, or have trouble falling asleep, because something got into your mind before you went to bed, and you mulled it over for hours?
This happened to met last night. The thought of my mother living on her own, with my dad in the hospital, not being able to visit him and not knowing what is coming next or when it might come, haunted my mind. I was thinking maybe I should move back to my hometown and back in with my mom, to help her out and to ease her mind a bit of all the worries she must be having. The thought of going back home is not one I take lightly – I would be further away from my daughter and grandson, and I’d have to give up my job (knowing I could probably find another one, or even maybe go back to my old one there), and the unknown of how long I’d be there for, It kept me awake for at least an hour.
When I woke up this morning feeling rested – the thought is still going through my mind. Perhaps it would be a good idea. But I need to ask my mom what she thinks – I’m sure she will say Oh I’m fine don’t worry about me. But I do worry about her.
So my thought for the day is – if you feel strongly about something being done, then do it with no regrets and no guilt.
I will figure this out and do the right thing for me. I know I will.
My dad has taken a turn for the worst. He was taken to the hospital last night for what they thought was a stroke, but that isn’t what it was. They are doing tests to assess him and have FINALLY officially recorded in the records that my father has dementia. It has taken a long time for them to make this official – something my mother and my siblings and I have known for a while. Why no one else saw this is beyond me!
My father is 85, and has not been well for quite a while. He has been in a wheelchair for over a year, and I believe that combined with the pandemic just let his mind go. When I moved out of their place back in July, I wondered how my dad would be and I dealt with guilt for the first month of my being gone. I felt I was wrong for having left them, leaving my mother to have to take care of my father full time, and that I was putting a bigger burden on my sister, who still lives close by. I chose to leave to be closer to my daughter though, and I do not regret one moment for doing that. However, I do believe that after I left, he quickly went downhill. It was lack of conversation with more than my mother and what I believe was the overwhelming feeling of defeat he had because of the wheelchair.
My father was an outgoing, active member of the community. He was the president of the local Legion for many years, he knew a lot of people, and enjoyed being out in public, talking to everyone. He loved playing golf, and he loved travelling with my mother to the States. They spent many winters down in Myrtle Beach for a month at a time to escape the harsh winters of Ontario.
Growing up, my dad was the dad who would be outside skating with us on our homemade ice rink, he was the dad who would play kick the can, or hide and seek, or baseball in our backyard. Whenever he could, he would be outside playing with us. So when he ended up first using a cane, then a walker, and then the wheelchair – I knew this would be hard for his mind.
I love both my parents, and I know they love me. The words were not said much in our household, but we always knew they loved us.
So while it is sad to see my father deteriorate so quickly, I have reconciled in my mind that my time with my dad is coming to an end. I am sad but I also know that death is part of life. I love my dad and I know that he loves me. Is there anything more that we can ask for? I don’t think so.
Life is short – no one knows when our last days will be. We have to live life to the fullest. My dad did that. He lived his life as fully as he could, when he retired, he got another job driving people for wine tours in Niagara on the Lake and loved that job more than he loved his other one. My dad, for the most part, was content in life. And I know that when it’s time for him to leave us, that he will still be with us. In our hearts and minds and memories.
Give your loved ones a hug, or a call, just to say you love them. It will make you all feel a little bit better.
I am a big supporter for mental health awareness. My children have both suffered with mental health issues over the years – depression, anxiety, and addiction. I have been there for them through all the pain and anxiety they went through. And I want to do something to show them that I am still there for them no matter what.
Last year, during the height of the pandemic, I decided I wanted to raise money for the Food Banks of Ontario, and I created a recipe book containing recipes from friends and family. It was a big success for me, and the sales of the cookbook raised over $800 for the local Food Banks.
This year, with the pandemic causing so much anxiety for people as it drags on, I want to do something more. I want to get my community involved and want to raise awareness of the stress the lockdowns are causing. So I am organizing a walk to take place in September.
I will be doing the walk – approximately 80 km, over four days, from September 24 to 27 2021, in support of the Canadian Mental Health Association. Mental health affects all of us in some way, and with Covid-19 causing so many people to suffer with mental health issues, this is the perfect time to do something to help others.
I am striving to help as many people as possible and to let everyone know that we are all in this together!
I have a granddaughter who I suspect doesn’t know who I am. She’s 7 (almost 8) and I only met her once when she was 4 months old. Circumstances prevailed and I am not part of her life, which I have come to accept.
However, recently over the past few months, I discovered that she has her own YouTube channel. She puts up videos showing tricks and harmless things – but she is only 7.
I do not know why she is allowed to have a YouTube channel of her own, and why it disturbs me so much. I guess as a grandparent and as someone who has seen how children are exploited on the internet it worries me. She doesn’t know who could be watching the videos, perhaps a predator? I have no knowledge at all of whether her mother or her other grandparents are aware of what she is doing. Perhaps they do and they are okay with it. I just don’t have that knowledge. But I judge them. And I shouldn’t.
I have also discovered that I judge more than I realize I do. I have become acutely aware of this over the past couple of weeks. At work, at home, outdoors. I am judging people more and more and I do not like that about myself. I don’t want to be that judgmental person. I wonder if it’s because of the pandemic, and it’s bringing out a side of me that perhaps was always there and it is just now coming to the surface because of the circumstances.
I am telling myself TODAY to stop judging. Stop making assumptions without any knowledge of the situation. I just need to stop. It is none of my business what others do. I only need to worry about me. As it should be with all of us.
Judging doesn’t get us anywhere. It just creates more friction than is necessary.